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Jokes for the week of 1/21/2002
Why English Is Hard, You get what you ask for, Compare Prison and Work
REASONS WHY THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS HARD TO LEARN
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Get what you ask for!
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately,
the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.
When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air,
catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling.
"WHICH ONE OF YOU SIDEWINDERS STOLE MY HOSS?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered. "ALL RIGHT I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHA BEER, AND IF MY HOSS AIN'T BACK
OUTSIDE BY THE TIME I FINISH, I'M GONNA DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS! AND I DON'T
LIKE TO HAVE TO DO WHAT I DUN IN TEXAS!”
Some of the locals shifted restlessly.
He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse is back!
He saddles up and starts to ride out of town. The
bartender wanders out of the bar and asks, "Say partner, before you go...
what did happen in Texas?
"The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
A fair comparison of PRISON to WORK
IN PRISON... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
AT WORK... You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
IN PRISON... You get three meals a day.
AT WORK... You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
IN PRISON... You get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK... You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
IN PRISON... A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK... You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the
doors yourself.
IN PRISON... You can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK... You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
IN PRISON... You get your own toilet.
AT WORK... You have to share.
IN PRISON... They allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK... You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
IN PRISON... All expenses are paid by tax payers with no work required.
AT WORK... You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they
deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
IN PRISON... You spend most of your life looking through bars from the
inside wanting to get out.
AT WORK... You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside
bars.
IN PRISON... There are wardens who are often sadistic.
AT WORK... They are called supervisors.
IN PRISON... You have unlimited time to read e-mail jokes.
AT WORK... You get fired if you get caught.
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Cowboy Boot
Cowboy in Tub (Sm)
Cowboy w/Bedroll
Cowboy w/Calf
Cowboy w/Coffee Mug (LP)
Cowboy w/Coffee Pot
Cowboy w/Saddle (lg)
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