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Jokes for the week of 5/30/2005
We're fishing for laughs
Fishing Riddle
Q: On a sunny day, two fathers and two sons went fishing.
Each one of them
caught one fish. When they went home, there were only three
fishes, why?
A: Because a grandfather, a father and a son went fishing.
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Fishing for a Week
A man phones home from the office and tells his wife,
"Something has just come
up. I have the chance to go fishing for a week. It's the
opportunity of a
lifetime. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my
fishing
equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home
in an hour to
pick them up."
He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good
trip?"
"Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."
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A Fisherman's Tale
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge. One looks up
and sees a
funeral procession starting across the bridge. He stands up,
takes off his
cap, and bows his head. The procession crosses the bridge and
the man puts on
his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had
it in you."
__________________________________________________
Elementary, My Dear Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up
their tent, and
fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful
friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it
tells me that there
are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically,
it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be
approximately a
quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is
all-powerful and
we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we
will have a
beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you
idiot, someone has
stolen our tent."
________________________________________________
Camping Tips
Thursday, December 9, 1999
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning:
Remove lint from
navel before applying the match.
Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his
favorite stump
apart and eating all the ants.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet
warm. A hot
enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between
your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain
ranges. Steer
clear of those named for landfills.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the
Swiss Navy Knife
has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions
as a tiny canoe
paddle.
Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable
campers to stay dry in
a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch,
however, have been
proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness
experience.
You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows
on the north side
of your compass.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by
climbing into a
plastic garbage bag with several geese.
The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat,
should never be
confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan
veterinarians.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you
something to wipe
your nose on.
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping.
Shine a
flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other
ear, do not go into
the woods alone.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent
side dish. A
potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent
hockey puck.
In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by
shooting small
game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your
underwear.
The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
excellent
kindling.
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for
generations. The sight of a
bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a
winding mountain road
behind a large motor home.
Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly
country. The
tricky part is getting them on the bears.
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic
table will keep
the campsites on either side vacant.
In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used
to strangle a
snoring tent mate.
TH TH Th That's all folks!!
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Fishing in Maine $58.50
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