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Jokes for the week of 6/7/2004
The Waitress, Doctors, Shopping Drunks and Proverbs
Bad Potato (From Cerberous @ Alt.Jokes)
I went out to this restaurant not long ago and met
the waitress of my dreams.
About halfway through dinner I called the waitress
over and said, "Ma'am, this potato is bad."
She nodded, picked up the potato, and smacked it.
Then she put it back on my plate and said, "Sir, if
that potato causes any more trouble, you just let
me know."
SHOPPING SPREE
A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the
mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says,
"I think that I will buy my own present instead of making
you and dad shop for me."
"But mom," says the daughter, "some poor, helpless creature
has to suffer so that you can have this coat. Don't you think
that's kind of cruel?"
"Don't worry honey," says the mother, "your father won't get
the bill for a couple of weeks."
Ethical behavior for patients
A CODE OF ETHICAL BEHAVIOUR FOR PATIENTS
1. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR DOCTOR TO SHARE YOUR DISCOMFORT.
Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose
valuable scientific objectivity.
2. BE CHEERFUL AT ALL TIMES.
Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the
gentleness and reassurance he can get.
3. TRY TO SUFFER FROM THE DISEASE FOR WHICH YOU ARE BEING TREATED.
Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold.
4. DO NOT COMPLAIN IF THE TREATMENT FAILS TO BRING RELIEF.
You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the
true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent
disability you may have experienced.
5. NEVER ASK YOUR DOCTOR TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE IS DOING OR WHY HE IS
DOING IT.
It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be
explained in terms that you would understand.
6. SUBMIT TO NOVEL EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENT READILY.
Though the surgery may not benefit you directly, the resulting
research paper will surely be of widespread interest.
7. PAY YOUR MEDICAL BILLS PROMPTLY AND WILLINGLY.
You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to
the well-being of physicians and other humanitarians.
8. DO NOT SUFFER FROM AILMENTS THAT YOU CANNOT AFFORD.
It is sheer arrogance to contract illnesses that are beyond your
means.
9. NEVER REVEAL ANY OF THE SHORTCOMINGS THAT HAVE COME TO LIGHT IN THE
COURSE OF TREATMENT BY YOUR DOCTOR.
The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one, and you have a
sacred duty to protect him from exposure.
10. NEVER DIE WHILE IN YOUR DOCTOR'S PRESENCE OR UNDER HIS DIRECT CARE.
This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment.
BREATHALYZER
"Shhaaayyy, buddy, what's a 'Breathalyzer'?" asked
one drunk to his friend at the next barstool.
"Well, I'd have to say it's a bag that tells you
when you've drunk way too much," answered the equally
wasted gent.
"Ah hell, whaddya know? I've been married to one of
those for years and years now!"
SOME SAYINGS!
Work is the yeast that raises the dough.
~ Syman Hirsch
Numbers that aren't divisible by two seem odd to me.
~ Michael Wolf
Money doesn't talk these days. It goes without saying.
~ Syman Hirsch
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
~ E4Fun
Some people make big pottery items to urn a living.
~ Pun of the Day
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