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Jokes for the week of 2/12/2002
Valentine's Day Gifts, What not to Say and Eve's Secret
Valentine Gift
A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically
to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for
Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"
With certainty in his voice, the man said "You'll know tonight."
That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his
wife.
With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a
book entitled - "The Meaning of Dreams".
Things not to say on your Valentine's date...
1. Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?
2. I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use
this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
3. No wine for me tonight. My doctor says it's not good to mix
alcohol and penicillin.
4. I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
5. People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
6. I used to come here all the time with my ex.
7. I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to
consider it.
8. Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice
on the answering machine every hour.
9. I like clay. It's mushy.
10. I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I
wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
11. And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
12. I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good
butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
13. It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just
won't be as smart as I am.
THE SECRET'S OUT!
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided this beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy
snake, but I'm just not fulfilled."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man
for you."
"What's a 'man', Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an
enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly.
All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster
and more muscular than you. He'll be good at fighting, kicking a ball
about and hunting fleet-footed varments, and not altogether a bad
lover."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But
you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
There once was a man who wanted quips
Or jokes or humor about relationships
But as Valentine's day approached
The subject was hardly broached.
Was he dealing with a bunch of drips?
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