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Jokes for the week of 3/28/2005
The Ups and Downs
Up - sent in by RitaCNJ@aol.com
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.
At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing:
A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP,
look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP When it rains, it wets UP the earth.
When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,
for now my time is UP, so.............
Time to shut UP.....!
Oh...one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P
From our glorious webmaster Richard Jay Silverman
OK Rita & others I'm BCCing
For your UP message I've decided the contrary is just as interesting.
So just for you I wrote Down the following
Hopefully I have truly gotten right Down to it.....
Down seems to get a bad rap.
I can understand that Down sizing means lessing.
I don't understand why someone who is level headed is Down to earth.
And if someone is depressed they are a Down.
And if something is boring it's a Downer.
Why is getting information the low Down?
Why do cities and towns have a Downtown.
Why is it the Down trodden, who are Down and out, Down to the brass tacks?
We get Down with our significant other.
Why is it always walking Down to the corner store?
And we use it to bring Down the curtain as well bringing Down the lights?
We fill our pillows with soft Down.
We put grounded kids and criminals on lock Down.
I understand boxers going Down for the count.
But Down gets a bad rap when your Down on someone.
And just like it's opposite the word has real special meaning.
We go Down the line, Down a drink, Hetrosexuals go Down on the opposite sex, homesexuals go Down on the same sex and Bi-sexuals are completely confused and go Down on everybody.
Dressing UP is putting on special clothing but opposite "dressing Down" is to give a verbal tongue lashing - what's the Down low on that?
And this Down is confusing:
We Down our food when we are eating, Our socks get pulled up Down around our ankles.
When business has a Down turn it's time for a close Down.
But enjoying oneself is having Down time.
I seem to be Down with all the definitions of Down though.
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of Down,
Go Down to your local library look Down the stacks till you come Down to a dictionary, take it Down from the shelf, go Down through the alphabet to the page with "D" go Down the page till you get Down to Down, Down-load the definition into your noggin and you will have gotten Down with my thoughts!
You can write Down a whole bunch of definitions, but that would just get me Down cast that you were wasting your Down time.
So don't jot anything Down.....
At least it's a sun day and nothing is coming Down outside.
Well the sun is going Down on my writing Down more.
I'm Down to my last few lines.
Time to go Down lunch....
But I will stay on my diet, After all I want to get Down to that size 38 Down around the same time next year.
Well that's my attempt at getting Down with jargon.
So don't put me Down.
Rich :-)
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