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Jokes for the week of 6/20/2001
Think, College, and The Prayers
Think!
In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!"
What your degree is good for!
Seen on a T-shirt:
"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
The University Final
Simple Simon reported to his University final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. Simon takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But," He says, "I am rechecking my answers."
What has 50 years of marriage taught you?
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the banquet celebrating it, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"
Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness -- and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single."
THREE DUCKS
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers, which she ended by saying "God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good bye grandpa."
Father asked, "Why did you say goodbye grandpa?".
The little girl said "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."
The next day grandpa died.
Father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this; "God bless mommy, God bless daddy and goodbye grandma. Next day the grandmother died.
My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say "God bless mommy and good bye daddy." He practically went into shock. Couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"
He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch."
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