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Jokes for the week of 4/22/2002
Star Wars Jokes
Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan Kenobi are in a Chinese restaurant eating a
meal. Half an hour later Obi has finished, and places his chop sticks on
the table. Luke is in a real mess as he can't use his sticks, and he has
rice all down his shirt, noodles in his hair and beanshoots round his
mouth. Obi looks Luke in the eyes and says in a booming voice, "Use the
forks, Luke"
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Luke Sykwalker runs up to Darth and says "Hey Dad! I know what you're
getting me for Christmas!!!". Darth looks rather bemused and says "How's
that son?". Luke stares with a serious eye and says "Because I've felt
your presents".
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What do you call the smartest Star Trek fan?
A Star Wars fan.
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"What do elderly stormtroopers use to get around?"
"Imperial walkers."
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There's going to be an extra scene included in the DVD release of EMPIRE
STRIKES BACK coming up next year!
Basically, it expands on the scene where Vader reveals his fatherhood to
Luke, and ties up some loose ends created with the release of Episode 1...
The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition:
INT: BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER:
A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE
SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.
A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the
ventilation shaft.
Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but
straight down.
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No... I am your father!
Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass
droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...
Luke: No...
Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself,
no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the
swamp...
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly
destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I
wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the
Sith...waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had
exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon...
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of
the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here
baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you
are, but you sure ain't mine...
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: Get a haircut!
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