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Jokes for the week of 5/8/2002
Spring, Chickens and Student Bloopers
Q. What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A. Spring-time!
Q. When do monkeys fall from the sky?
A. During Ape-ril showers!
Q. What flowers grow on faces?
A. Tulips (Two-lips)!
Q. Why is the letter A like a flower?
A. A bee (B) comes after it!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Arthur Andersen Consultant:- Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was
faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for newly competitive markets. Andersen Consulting, in a
partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using
the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the
chicken’s people, processes and technology in support if its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting
convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation
industry to engage in knowledge capital, both tactic and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with an enterprise-wide value framework
across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful
environment which was strategically based, industry-focused and built upon a consistent, clear and unified market message and aligned with the
chicken’s message mission, vision and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen
Consulting helped the chicken’s change to become more successful. (ps Ed: You really had to be there!!!)
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross
roads.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
The World, According to Student Bloopers...
One of the fringe benefits of being a teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. Following are genuine
bloopers....from grade eight to college level...USA...
The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of Sarah is such
that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the
shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their
children, Cain, once asked "Am I my brother’s son?"
God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother’s birth mark. Jacob was a patriarch who
brought up his twelve sons to be patriarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s son, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites.
Pharoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the led Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is
bread made without ingredients. Afterwards Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled
at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons had 500 wives and
500 porcupines.
Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his
own hands. When Lincoln was President he wore only a tall silk hat. He also freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation.
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