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Jokes for the week of 8/16/2004
Snappy Comebacks, Having Children and the Cheap Son
25 Snappy Comebacks to the age old question:
"Why aren't you married yet?"
1. You haven't asked yet.
2. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
3. What? And spoil my great sex life?
4. Nobody would believe me if I dressed in white.
5. Because I just love hearing this question.
6. Just lucky, I guess.
7. It gives my mother something to live for.
8. My fiancé is awaiting parole.
9. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.
10. Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to "Titanic"?
11. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
12. It didn't seem worth a blood test.
13. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.
14. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of
dating.
15. My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.
16. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.
17. They just opened a great singles bar on my block.
18. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
19. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those
voodoo doll rituals.
20. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running
personal ads?
21. We really want to, but my lover's husband just won't go for
it.
22. I don't want to have to support another person on my
paycheck.
23. Why aren't you thin?
24. I'm married to my career, although recently we have been
considering a trial separation.
25. Well, you know that k.d. Lang poster I have on my wall?
(Bonus reply for Single Mothers)
26. Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.
The cheap son
An old guy and his son had a one-mule farm and barely
eked out a living.
One day, the son hit the lottery, winning $50,000. He
burned rubber into town, collected his money, and left
more rubber all the way back home, where he told his
father the good news and handed him a $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then
said, "Son, you know I've always been careful with what
little money we had. I didn't spend it on whiskey or
women or frivolous things. In fact, I couldn't even
afford a license to legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the son exclaims, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Sure do," said the old guy fingering the fifty-dollar
bill, "and a damn cheap one too!"
Desperate for a son
There was a middle aged couple, who had two stunningly
beautiful teenaged blonde daughters. They decided to
try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying the wife became pregnant and
sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy
baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to
see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to
see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that
he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two
beautiful daughters I fathered. then he gave her a
stern look and asked,
"Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."
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