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Jokes for the week of 3/3/2002
Signs We've Had To Much
SIGNS YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH OF IT.....
After a few hours on your desk, the people in your family photos stop
smiling.
All you want for Christmas is ... a cell phone battery that lasts all day.
Bathroom key tied to an angry ferret.
Boss walks around wearing nothing but a Post-It note.
Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back
seat of your car.
Every commercial on television has a website address at the bottom of the
screen.
Hard to concentrate with all those "60 Minutes" reporters hanging around.
Instead of White-Out, you're encouraged to use mayonnaise.
Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN's homepage to your bookmarks.
No desk chairs -- everybody squats.
Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital gains.
The concept of using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a
purchase is foreign to you.
You ask your friends to "think out of the box" when making Friday night
plans.
You assume any question about whether to valet park or not is rhetorical.
You buy a computer, a week later it is out of date, and now sells for half
the price you paid.
You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you
haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
You consider 2nd day Air Delivery and Inter-office Mail painfully slow.(!!!)
You didn't give your valentine a card this year, but you posted one for your
e-mail buddies via a Web page.
You dream of a week's holiday ... to clean and organize your desk, learn to
use the other 90% of your computer and learn to surf the Internet.
You either eat out of vending machines ... or at the most expensive
restaurant in town.
You e-mail your son in his room to tell him that dinner is ready, and he
e-mails you back, "What's for dinner?"
You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
You get all excited when it's Saturday and you can wear sweats to work.
You have a "to do list" that includes entries for lunch and bathroom breaks
and they are usually the ones that never get crossed off.
You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents.
You haven't played solitaire with a real deck of cards in years.
You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
You know the people at the airport hotels better than you know your next
door neighbors.
You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their
profits.
You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive
restaurant in town within the same week.
You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.
You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet. (you
actually "dine" standing over the kitchen sink or lounging on the sofa.)
You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into
a matrix.
You think that "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing a project"
are acceptable English phrases.
You try to enter your password on the microwave.
Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
Your dream Saturday night is a bath, a bathrobe, a good book and lights out
by 10 p.m.
Your grocery list has been on your refrigerator so long some of the products
don't even exist any more.
Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have
email addresses.
You're paying $50 a month for 50 TV channels, but watching less TV than
ever.
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