Section I - The Basic Rules 

  1.In order to call Shotgun, the caller must pronounce the word "Shotgun" in a clear voice. This call must be heard and acknowledged by the driver. The other occupants of the vehicle need not hear the call as long as the driver verifies the call. 
  2.Shotgun may only be called if all occupants of the vehicle are outside and on the way to said vehicle. 
  3.. Early calls are strictly prohibited. Shotgun may only be called while walking toward the vehicle and only applies to the drive immediantly forthcoming. Shotgun can never be called while inside a vehicle or still technically on the way to the first location. For example, one can not get out of a vehicle and call Shotgun for the return journey. 
  4.The driver has final say in all ties and disputes. The driver has the right to suspend or remove all shotgun priviledges from one or more persons. 

Section II - Special Cases 

These special exceptions to the rules above should be considered in the order presented; the case listed first will take precendence over any of the cases beneath it, when applicable.  

  1.In the instance that the normal driver of a vehicle is drunk or otherwise unable to perform their duties as driver, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun. 
  2.If the instance that the person who actually owns the vehicle is not driving, then he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline. 
  3.In the instance the the driver's spouse, lover, partner, or hired prostitute for the evening is going to accompany the group, he/she is automatically given Shotgun, unless they decline. 
  4.In the instance that one of the passengers may become so ill during the course of the journey that the other occupants feel he/she will toss their cookies, then the ill person should be given Shotgun to make appropriate use of the window. 
  5.In the instance that only one person knows how to get to a given location and this person is not the driver, then as the designated navigator for the group they automatically get Shotgun, unless they decline. 
  6.In the instance that one of the occupants is too wide or tall to fit comfortably in the back seat, then the driver may show mercy and award Shotgun to the genetic misfit. Alternatively, the driver and other passengers may continually taunt the poor fellow as they make a three hour trip with him crammed in the back. 

Section III - *The Survival of the Fitess Rules *  

  1.If the driver so wishes, he/she may institute the Survival of the Fitess Rules on the process of calling Shotgun. In this case all rules, excepting I-4, are suspended and the passenger seat is occupied by whoever can take it by force. 
  2.The driver must announce the institution of the Survival of the Fitess Rules with reasonable warning to all passengers. This clause reduces the amount of blood lost by passengers and the damage done to the vehicle. 

Please follow the above rules to the best of your ability. If there are any arguments or execptions notovered in these rules, please refer to rule I-4.  

Car Policy? 

Think of an insurance company as an automobile: The President is steering, the Marketing Department has both feet on the gas, Underwriting has both feet on the brake and Actuary is looking out the back window shouting directions.  

What your car says about you ... 

Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars  
Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars  
Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires  
Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states  
Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman  
Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp  
Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people  
Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette  
Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis  
Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow the government  
Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather  
Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well  
Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and voted for Eisenhower  
Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get this car  
Dodge Ram.- Former Civic owner going to get even with all the people who cut him off.  
Ford Explorer - I will not be caught dead in a mini van  
Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)  
Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones  
Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph an change lanes when I pull up behind them  
Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.  
Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.  
Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all  
Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit  
Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.  
Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.  
Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his reports.  
Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.  
Kia Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.  
Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers  
Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)  
Mercedes 300SL - pretender (no one wants my autograph) 
Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph  
Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole  
Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler  
MGB - I am dating a mechanic  
Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either  
Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.  
Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a fortune off the parts  
Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List  
Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena  
Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock  
Porsche 911 Turbo - I have a three inch thingie  
Porsche 944 - I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me  
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal  
Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)  
Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu  
Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet  
Volkswagon Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns  
Volkswagon Cabriolet - I am out of the closet  
Volkswagon Microbus - I am tripping right now  
Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife  
Automobile Tool Definitions 

From the Z-car Mailing List 
A snippet spotted in Pilot Magazine and entered in Bike Magazine: 

The article was entitled "In a hurry are we, sir?" ( British Police Wit). 

Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 300 mph. The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Harrier hurtled over their heads.  The boys in blue, upset at the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have been more severe. The Harrier's target-seeker had locked on to the'enemy' radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile attack. Luckily(?) the Harrier was operating unarmed.  - Gee Officer, sorry about your patrol car........