The Old Dodge  

A man was driving along in his beat up old dodge, when suddenly it broke down. He was parked on the side of the road trying fix it, when a Jaguar pulled up in front of him and offered to help. After a few minutes the two men obviously weren't going to get the old car going again, so the Jaguar driver offered to tow the Dodge to the nearest garage. A few minutes later the two had hitched up the old Dodge to the Jaguar, and they agreed that if the Jaguar driver was going too fast, the Jaguar, the man should blow his horn and flash his lights to get him to slow down. With that the two men got into their cars and the Jaguar driver started to pull away with the Dodge behind it. At the first traffic light, a Ferrari pulled up beside the Jaguar and started to rev his engine provocatively. As soon as the light turned green the Ferrari   and the Jaguar hit their accelerators and took off. Before long the cars were racing at over 120 mph. As the cars speed along, they passed through a police speed trap. The officer couldn't believe his eyes when he saw the three cars go by, and he decided that he couldn't catch them all by himself, so he decided to radio for  help: "You won't believe what I just saw! I saw a Ferrari and a Jaguar doing 120 mph side by side, and a beat up old Dodge behind them flashing his lights and blowing his horn trying to get by!"   

From webmaster@dalesharp.com Another Acronym:  
FIAT: Feeble Imitation of Adiquate Transportation  

From "Douglas Prior" ;dougprior@worldnet.att.net> sent this Dale Earnhardt TOP TEN LIST - courtesy of the David Letterman Show   

Why it took Dale Earnhardt 20 years to win the Daytona 500  

10. "It took me 19 years to realize I had the emergency brake on."   
9. "Finally rotated and balanced my mustache."   
8. "Quit training with the Canadian snowboarding team."   
7. "Stopped letting my 300 pound cousin, Ricky, ride shotgun."   
6. "New strategy: Pretend I'm Dave driving home on the Merritt Parkway."   
5. "Who cares if it took me 20 years-at least my name isn't Dick Trickle."   
4. "Just figured out that if I mash the gas pedal all the way down, the car takes off like a son-of-a-GUN."   
3. "My new pit crew--the Spice Girls."   
2." This year, whenever I passed somebody, I gave them the finger."   

"And the number one reason it took Dale Earnhardt 20 years to win the Dayton 500..."   

"My secret to success: One can of motor oil in my engine, and one can of motor oil in my pants."   

From Randy Mees ;meesr@earthlink.net>   
Q: "What car is worth $3K over window sticker?"  
A: "None"  

With the New Beetle, I'm sure the VW dealer's are laughing all the way to the bank.   

From: "profrets" ;mike@profrets.com>   
I had a wooden car once. Wooden body, wooden seats, wooden motor, wooden run.  

From: "Daren Pearcy" ;dpearcy@bbcd.co.uk>   
 A man walks into a car spares shop and asks 'Have you got a windscreen wiper for a Lada?'   

The man behind the counter thinks for a while and then replies 'OK, that sounds like a fair swap.'  

 From: laughingboy_ha_ha_ha@yahoo.com On LADA   

Q: What is the smallest part of a LADA?  
A: The owners brain.  
  
Q: Why do LADA's have heated rear windscreens?  
A: To keep your hands warm when your pushing them.  
  
Q: How do you double the value of a LADA?  
A: Fill it with petrol.  
  
Q: What do you call a LADA with a turbo?  
A: A Skoda.   

A new poem From: JD ;Killashandra@Bigfoot.Com>   

This is just a silly little poem that I came up with last night when I should have been sleeping... It's when I come up with the weirdest stuff... Anywho, here it is:  

i still drive that car with the rusted old hood the beat up front fender the yellowed old floor  you'd catch the bus at seven thirty seven brush your hand through your hair as you walked out the door   

i still read those books that you used to love and tell those same jokes - i can still hear your laugh  sometimes I sit in that old broken car turn up the radio high as it goes - blink back the tear - they're playing your song.  

So what do you think?  And any ideas for a title?  

Thanks, JD  

From: jimjr@qis.net (Jim Moore Jr)   
In the US these days, a car company is considered  
successful if they sell more cars than they recall.  

They've just come out with yet another new Japanese sports car.  It has a low-cut grille, shapely fenders, long, sleek lines and padded bumpers.  

They brought one into Baltimore City the other day, and 3 Chevies chased it into an alley.   

Funny story by kpayne*spamremove*@m@min   

The jokes on you.  Those engines, if maintained according to schedule,  were very reliable.  The car wrapped around it is  another story....  

I just saw a Yugo parked in front of Hills (big surprise) with a for sale sign on it... I was tempted to call and offer the owner $200 for it just so I coud finally have a car that I wouldn't be tempted to do ANY work on other than regular maintenance... (I have this nasty habit of restoring, or attempting to restore, every car I get my hands on, with predictable and expensive results...)  

From: jimjr@qis.net (Jim Moore Jr)   

Baltimore is one of the few towns I know of where you can park your car, walk a couple of blocks, and find it for sale.  

From:  Dave Katelansky ;david_katelansky@crow.bmc.com>   

A Japanese man has been working for a short time in the U.S. when he  realizes he has a vision problem, so he sees an eye doctor.  The doctor  shines a pen light into the Japanese guy's eye, and says, "You have  cataracts, don't you?".  The Japanese man answers, "No, a Rincon  Continental!".