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Jokes for the week of 11/1/2004
MURPHY'S LAWS ON WORK
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick
in the pants.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't
be promoted.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are
going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and
carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and
nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply
will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say
nothing about the other.
When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they
are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use
being a damn fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of
your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the
office.
Mother said there would be days like this, but she never
said there would be so many.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what
I'm doing wrong.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a
cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the
work he is supposed to be doing.
Important letters that contain no errors will develop
errors in the mail.
The last person that quit or was fired will be the one
held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until
the next person quits or is fired.
There is never enough time to do it right the first time,
but there is always enough time to do it over.
The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the
organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for
Codification of Human and Organizational Law,
contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you
are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss
drops by your desk.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely
proportional to the number of pens that person is
carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look
worried.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job
you least like.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it
more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would
the Lone Ranger handle this?"
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly
when the repairman arrives.
An "acceptable" level of employment means that the
government economist to whom it is acceptable still has
a job.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it
makes it worse.
All vacations and holidays create problems, except for
one's own.
Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.
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