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Jokes for the week of 12/27/2001
Jimmy Needs more School, Do they really want the Job? Exams and College Students
Jimmy needs more schooling!
The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.
"Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal.
"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week," replies
the voice.
"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"
"We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice, "I hope it
is all right."
"I guess that would be fine," says the principal.
"May I ask who is calling?"
"Sure. This is my father!"
Do they really want the Job?
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the
one hundred largest corporations were asked to
describe their most unusual experience interviewing
prospective employees:
A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an
arm wrestle.
Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could
listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded
to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers
office.
Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace
the interviewer.
Candidate said he never finished high school because he was
kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office
a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his
loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for
advice on how to answer specific interview questions.
Candidate brought large dog to interview.
Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being
interviewed standing up.
Candidate dozed off during interview.
QUOTE:
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people won't blame me for evil .
And let there be lawyers, so people will know there are things more evil
than Satan!"
-- John Wing
The Exam
Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an important exam. If they
failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the
big game the following week. The exam was "fill in the blank" and the last
question read, "Old MacDonald had a_____." Bubba was stumped -- he had no
idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure
he passed.
Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny in the shoulder.
"Tiny, what's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed, then looked
around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed. He turned to Bubba and
said, "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a
FARM."
"Oh yeah," said Bubba, "I remember now." he picked up his No. 2 pencil and
started to write the answer in the blank. Then he stopped. Tapping Tiny on
the shoulder, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?"
"You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy," hissed Tiny, "farm is spelled
'E-I-E-I-O'."
So true....
Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway
when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly
rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet,
pulls out a couple of dollar bills and gladly hands them over to the beggar
with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you
do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or
booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"
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