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Jokes for the week of 9/6/2004
Home Work Humor
PUPIL: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not
PUPIL: Good, because I didn't do my homework
TEACHER: Did you do your homework?
PUPIL: No teacher
TEACHER: Do you have an excuse?
PUPIL: Yes, it's all my mothers fault
TEACHER: She kept you from doing it?
PUPIL: No, she didn't nag me enough!
TEACHER: This homework looks like your mothers writing
PUPIL: Of course, I used her pen!
SON: Dad, I'm tired of doing homework
FATHER: Now, son, hard work never killed anyone
SON: I know, but I don't want to be the first
TEACHER: How do you like doing your homework?
PUPIL: I like doing nothing better
Well, I figured out what I'm going to be doing in my old age -
my homework.
I have so much homework to do it doesn't leave me any time for my studies.
I'm so far behind in my homework that my 2nd grade teacher asked me to bring my parents to school.
And I'm in the 5th grade.
I'm going to lead a long life.
That's the only way I'll ever get caught up on all my homework.
TEACHER: That should be enough homework to keep you busy.
PUPIL: That should be enough homework to keep the Chinese Army busy
PUPIL: Teacher, is there life after death?
TEACHER: Why do you ask?
PUPIL: I may need the extra time to finish all this homework you gave us.
FRED: I have so much homework to finish the teacher said she may send someone to my home.
HARRY: To talk to your parents?
FRED: No, to help me carry it to school.
I'm so far behind in my homework I may have to drop out of school to finish it.
TEACHER: Johnny, what is the definition of "infinity?"
PUPIL: Tonight's homework assignment.
TEACHER: Young man, did you do all your home work last night?
FRED: No, teacher. I did some of it last night, some of it in the middle of the night,
and the rest of it early this morning.
FRED: Teacher, this is an awful lot of math homework.
TEACHER: You should be able to complete it if you work hard.
FRED: Could you throw in one more really hard problem?
TEACHER: Why?
FRED: It will give my Dad something to do so I can get this done faster.
TEACHER: Your homework assignment last night was to draw a map of Texas including all the rivers in that state. Why didn'tyou finish it?
FRED: I ran out of paper. I thought youwanted it actual size.
TEACHER: Young man, this is the first homework assignment you've handed in all week. Why is that?
RICHARD: I was in a hurry last night and didn't have time to think up a good excuse.
One kid in our class always said his dog ate his homework and none of us believed him until last week.
His dog graduated from Harvard.
TEACHER: So your dog ate your homework?
FRED: Yes, teacher.
TEACHER: And where is your dog right now?
FRED: He's at the vet. He doesn't like math any more than I do.
TEACHER: Young man, where's your homework assignment?
FRED: It blew away while I was coming to school.
TEACHER: I see. And why are you late for school?
FRED: I had to wait for a heavy wind.
TEACHER: On Monday you said your homework blew away. On Tuesday you said your father accidentally took it to work with him. On Wednesday you said your little sister tore it up. On Thursday you said someone stole it. Today I asked you to bring your parents to school. Now where are they?
FRED: My dog ate them.
TEACHER: Young man, you've told me that your homework blew off your desk and out an open window into the trash. The trash was picked up this
morning and you can't retrieve your homework because it is now buried in
a nuclear waste dump. Do you really expect me to believe all that garbage?
FRED: No, but did you really expect me to do all that homework?
It takes me about two hours each night to do my homework
three if my Dad helps me.
TEACHER: Anyone who doesn't bring all thehomework to class tomorrow morning will get an "F "
FRED: And anyone who does bring all the homework to class tomorrow morning
will get a hernia.
SON: Dad, if an airplane leaves Chicago and flies 500 miles an hour west with a 300 mile an hour wind coming East for two hours, and then flies 600 miles an hour with a 100 mile an hour wind coming East, and then flies 700 miles an hour for 2 hours with no headwind, how far will that plane have flown?
FATHER: Son, I'll call my office in the morning and have you switch to an easier flight.
I have one teacher who is so fanatical,
she even gives us extra recess to do at home.
TEACHER: Young man, you haven't handed in one homework assignment since we started this class. Won't you please do tonight's assignment?
FRED: What? And ruin a perfect record?
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