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Jokes for the week of 10/23/2003
Halloween Riddles Part 2: Vampires, Witches and Spooky
What did the vampire say to the little girl who was eating?
Ans: Yum!!! You look delicious!
What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at bedtime?
Ans: "Mommy,turn off the switch.I'm afraid of the light!"
What is worst than a hunger vampire?
Ans: A thirsty vampire.
Why did the teacher send Dracula jr. home?
Ans: Because he was coffin too much.
What kind of beans do vampires eat?
Ans: Human beans!
What does Dracula say when he is introduced to someone?
Ans: "Hello, pleased to eat you!"
What does a vampire do in a haunted house?
Ans: Just "Bats" around.
How do vampires get around?
Ans: In their bloodmobiles.
What is Dracula's position in baseball?
Ans: Batboy
What would you get if you crossed Count Dracula with a computer?
Ans: Love at first byte!
How do you say vampire in Spanish?
Ans: Vampire in Spanish.
What is the little vampire's favorite movie?
Ans: The Vampire Stikes Back
Who is the Dracula's super hero friend?
Ans: BatGhoul.
Why was Dracula not at his desk?
Ans: He was on his coffin break.
What is the largest building in Transylvania?
Ans: The Vampire State Building.
What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
Ans: Blood Light.
What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
Ans: A blood test.
What's a vampire's favorite candy?
Ans: A sucker.
What do vampires do when they see a bat?
Ans: Go batty!!
Why did dracula go to jail?
Ans: Because he robbed the blood bank.
What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?
Ans: Can't you count Dracula!
What is a vampire's favorite tune?
Ans: A tiskit, a taskit, a green and yellow casket.
What did the vampire host at the Halloween party say when he annouced the band?
Ans: Hey, all you Guys and Ghouls come dance and join the fun!
What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Ans: Bat-minton. (Badminton)
What's a vampire's favorite feast?
Ans: Fangsgiving Day dinner.
Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
Ans: It was a stake sandwich.
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
Ans: A blood hound.
What directions did the witch give the vampire?
Ans: "Make a fright turn at the swamp."
Where do blood suckers hang out in New York?
Ans: The Vampire State Building
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
Ans: A neck-tarine.
Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
Ans: Because he likes to draw blood!
Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Ans: He had bat breath.
Why does Dracula like to play on the all-vampire
baseball team?
Ans: Because he's always next to bat.
What is Dracula's favorite cereal?
Ans: Count-Chocula
Whom did Dracula take out on a date?
Ans: His ghoul friend!
If Dracula and Frosty the Snowman had a baby what would they name him?
Ans: Frost Bite
What type of boats do vampires use?
Ans: Blood vessels.
Why did the vampire bring his coffin to the doctor?
Ans: He had a bad coldand he wanted the doctor to examine his coffin (coughing).
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a mummy?
Ans: A flying band-aid.
What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula.
Ans: Long distance.
What do you get when you cross a ten-foot vampire
with a computer?
Ans: A ten-foot know-it-all,that's really a pain in the neck.
Why wasn't the vampire working?
Ans: He was on his coffin break.
Where did the policeman put the criminal vampire?
Ans: In a blood cell.
Witch Riddles
Why did the witch walk across the road?
Ans: Because she didn't have a broomstick!
What did the witch do when her broomstick broke?
Ans: She witch-hiked!
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Ans: Spelling!
What does a witch kid want for christmas?
Ans: A haunted dollhouse.
Why do witches wear name tags?
Ans: So, they would know which witch is which!
How does a witch get green hair?
Ans: She sneezes and then rubs it in her hair.
Why did the witches cancel the baseball game?
Ans: Because they lost all their bats.
With which hand should a witch stir her witch's brew?
Ans: With neither. It's better to stir it with a spoon.
What did the witch put on her door for security?
Ans: A warlock.
What do witches never eat for lunch.
Ans: A sand-witch (sandwich).
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Ans: Because vacuum cleaners are
too heavy.
Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
Ans: She had to give a screech.
What directions did the witch give the vampire?
Ans: "Make a fright turn at the swamp."
How do witches tell time?
Ans: With a witch watch.
What do you call two witches living together?
Ans: Broom-mates.
What does a witch ask for when she is in a hotel?
Ans: Broom service.
Why did the witch hold her nose?
Ans: Because she smelled a terrible ogre.
Why did the witch's mail rattle?
Ans: It was a chain letter.
How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
Ans: By witchful thinking.
What is a witch with poison ivy called?
Ans: An itchy witchy.
What did the witch's broom say to her baby?
Ans: "Go to sweeplittle baby."
What does a hundred pound mouse say to a witch's black
cat?
Ans: "Here, kitty,kitty."
What flavor do witches add sometime to their drinks?
Ans: Lemon n' Slime.
What did the witch say to the another witch when she
asked for a lift?
Ans: "There's alwaysbroom for one more."
When do witches cook their victims?
Ans: On Fry Day.
OTHER SPOOKY RIDDLES
Knock-Knock.
Who is there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Ans: Don't cry. I'll tell you another joke!
What did the frog order at Burger King?
Ans: French flies and a diet croak!
What was the scariest part of the horror movie?
Ans: Running out of popcorn.
How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
Ans: With a pumpkin patch!
What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
Ans: Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light!
What is a jack o'lantern's favorite song?
Ans: Don't Cut Me Up, Argentina
by MaBooNa
What is the largest building in Transylvania?
Ans: The Vampire State Building.
What are your three choices if a monster comes after you and all you have on
hand is a toothbrush and toothpatse tube?
Ans: 1.Run 2.Run 3.Run
Why did the boy wear a diaper to the Halloween party?
Ans: He didn't want to be a party pooper.
What would you get if you crossed a cocker spaniel,a French poodle,
and a ghost?
Ans: A cocker-poodle-boo!
What did the cat do when he ate a lemon?
Ans: He became a Sour Puss!
Why did the kid say trick--or--treat ?
Ans: Because it was too early to
say Merry Christmes.
What are the biggest ants in the world?
Ans: The gi-ants.
Why did the spider cry?
Ans: Because she was a widow!
How can you tell if a house is haunted?
Ans: The windows are shuddering!
What bird sings the scariest song?
Ans: A boo bird!
What's a cold, evil candle called?
Ans: The wicked wick of the north.
Why are black cats such good singers?
Ans: They're very mewsical.
What do you call the architectural plan of a haunted house?
Ans: A boo print. (blue print)
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Ans: Tweets.
What is the most frightful way to travel?
Ans: By scareplane!
Why are black cats such good singers?
Ans: They're very mewsical.
How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
Ans: By witchful thinking.
What's red and green and spins around at 200 miles
per hour?
Ans: A frog in a blender.
What did mama cannibal said to baby cannibal when
he told her that he really liked his grandfather?
Ans: Do you want another piece?
Why was George afraid of joining the basketball team?
Ans: Because he heardthey had team spirit.
What did the mad scientist see in his frying pan?
Ans: An unidentifiedfrying object.
Can you escape from a monster by using a flash light?
Ans: Yes, if you runfast enough.
What do little trees say on Halloween?
Ans: Twig or treat.
What does a hundred pound mouse say to a witch's black
cat?
Ans: "Here, kitty,kitty."
Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you?
Ans: That depends onwhether you're a man or a mouse.
What the difference between a spider web and the Web
of the Internet?
Ans: The spider web onlytraps small bugs but the Web traps people.
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Spinner the Spider
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