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Jokes for the week of 1/28/2002
Following Simple Simon
DIDJA HEAR 'BOUT THTAT SIMPLE SIMON:
1. Took his new scarf back to the store because it was too tight?
2. Couldn't learn to water ski because he couldn't find a lake with a slope...
3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter...
4. Got excited because he finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"
5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out...
6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button...
7. When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C"
8. Burnt his nose bobbing for French fries...
9. Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and he weighed 125...
10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.
11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel...
12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree...
13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said, "good up to 20 pounds"...
What goes vroom-screech-vroom-screech', etc?...........
A Simple Simon at a Flashing red light...
Jail Break
Simple Simon and Daffy Dorothy are trying to get into their car using
a coat hanger, when one says, "Hurry, it's starting to rain and the top is down.
John, Paul and Simple Simon escaped from prison. They ran for miles until
they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest.
When they climbed up, they found three large gunny sacks and decided to climb into
them for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The
sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up
there the sheriff asked him what he saw and the deputy yelled back, "Just
three gunny sacks."
The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the
first sack, which had the John in it. He went, "Bow-wow," so the deputy
told the sheriff there was a dog in it.
Then he kicked the sack with the Paul in it. He went, "Meow," so the
deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it.
Then he kicked the one with the Simple Simon in it, and there was no sound at all.
So he kicked it again, and finally the Simon Sez, Potatoes."
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