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Jokes for the week of 5/31/2004
The Farmer, The Fisherman, The Doctor, The Rabbi
originally posted on alt.humor
From: cerberus@mystacy.fsnet.co.uk
Subject: The Farmer's Raffle
Luke, a farmer, who was originally from the city, was out plowing his field one day when his tractor got stuck in the wet ground. An old-timer driving by stopped his truck and walked over to the fence.
"You need a mule to plow such wet ground," he said.
"Do you know where I can buy one?" asked Luke. Well," said the old man, "I just happen to have one for a hundred dollars." "Ill take him," said Luke, counting out the money.
"I can't bring him over to-day," said the old-timer, pocketing the money.
"But I'll have him over to you tomorrow for sure." The next day, the truck pulled up and the old farmer got out. "Sorry," he said, "but I got some bad news. I went out after breakfast this morning and I found the mule dead."
"Well," said the city feller, "then just give me my money back." "Can't do that," said the old-timer apologetically. "I went and spent it already."
"OK," said Luke. "Then just unload the mule." "What ya gonna do with him? asked the old man. "I think I'll raffle him off," replied Luke.
"You can't raffle off a dead mule!" chuckled the farmer. "Oh, yeah?" said Luke. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead." A month went by, and the city fella and the farmer ran into each other at the barber shop. "What ever happened with that dead mule?" the old man asked.
"I raffled him off," said Luke. "I sold a hundred tickets at two dollars apiece and made a ninety-eight dollar profit. "Didn't anyone complain?" asked the old-timer. "Just the guy who won," said Luke, "so I gave him his two dollars back."
From: Mr-FBI-Subscribe@egroups.com
Joe, the fisherman, had driven by the lake many times and had seen some other anglers about, so he decided to give his luck a try. On his first day of fishing he had no luck at all but noticed that another fisherman near him that was scooping in one after another. He had to know The Secret.
"Excuse me sir, but would you mind telling me what sort of bait you are using?" he asked.
The other man looked around a bit embarrassed. "Well, I am a surgeon, and quite by accident I found that human tonsil works very well."
Joe thanked the man, thought about what sort of bait to try next time, and left.
The next day, Joe returned to the lake, tried a different bait and still had no luck.
Just as the day before, there was yet a different man reeling in fish after fish.
"Excuse me," asked Joe, "but could you suggest a bait that I could try?"
"Well, I can but I am not sure it will do you any good. I am using a bit of human appendix."
"Hmm," thought Joe. It seemed that the fish in this lake would require a little more effort than normal. He left, willing to give the lake one more try.
On the third day, Joe still had no luck. As was usual, there was yet another man near him bringing in fish left and right.
Joe wanted to confirm what he already knew. "Excuse me sir, but are you a doctor?"
"No, I am a Rabbi."
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