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Jokes for the week of 5/29/2002
Dumb State Laws Indiana to Massachusettes
Dumb Indiana Laws
Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.
A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a
bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor. (Ind. Code
15-2.1-21-13(b)
A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the
passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the
age of 17.
It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks.
Liquor stores may not sell milk.
Grocery stores may not sell any type of cold liquor.
You can get out of paying for a dependent's medical care by praying for
him/her.
One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police
officers from seeing the license plate.
Smoking in the state legislature building is banned, except when the
legislature is in session.
Check forgery can be punished with public flogging up to 100 stripes.
Pedestrians crossing the highway at night are prohibited from wearing tail
lights.
No one may catch a fish with his bare hands.
Men are prohibited from standing in a bar.
You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table. The
waiter or waitress has to do it.
Drinks on the house are illegal.
Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
"Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.
State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed
from their post.
All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other
humans.
Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
If any person has a puppet show, wire dancing or tumbling act in the
state of Indiana and receives money for it, they will be fined $3 under the
Act to Prevent Immoral Practices.
Anyone 14 or older who profanely curses, damns or swears by the name
of God, Jesus Christ or the Holy Ghost, shall be fined one to three dollars
for each offense, with a maximum fine of ten dollars per day.
A three dollar fine per pack will be imposed on anyone playing cards in
Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming.
The value of Pi is 4, and not 3.1415. (Repealed)
Auburn
It is illegal to bike, roller-skate, skateboard, or inline skate in a
commercially zoned area. For these offesnses, there is a fine of no more
than $5 or the impounding of one's bicycle for a period not to exceed 30
days.
Beech Grove
It is forbidden to eat watermelon in the park.
Elkhart
It is illegal for barbers to threaten to cut off kid's ears.
Evansville
While driving on Main Street you may not have your lights on.
Fort Wayne
You may not sell or play on a radio broadcast, the record "It`s In the
Book".
Gary
Within four hours of eating garlic, a person may not enter a movie house,
theater, or ride a public streetcar.
South Bend
It is illegal to make a monkey smoke a cigarette.
Terre Haute
No one may spit on the sidewalk.
Dumb Iowa Laws
Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
One-armed piano players must perform for free.
A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without
having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.
Dubuque
Any hotel in the city limits must have a water bucket and a hitching post
in front of the building.
Indianola
The "Ice Cream Man" and his truck are banned.
Fort Madison
The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes
before attending a fire.
Marshalltown
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants
Ottumwa
Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not
know.
Dumb Kansas Laws
Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
No one may catch fish with his bare hands.
The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other
has passed.
Dodge City
It is illegal to spit on a sidewalk.
All places of business must provide a horse water troft
Lawrence
All cars entering the city limits must first sound their horn to warn the
horses of their arrival.
No one may wear a bee in their hat.
Russell
Musical car horns are banned
Salina
It is against the law to leave your car running unattended.
Topeka
The installation of bathtubs is prohibited.
Wichita
Before proceeding through the interesection of Douglas and Broadway, a
motorist is required to get out of their vehice and fire three shot gun rounds
into the air.
Any person caught using or carrying bean snappers or the like shall upon
conviction, be fined. -City ordinance 349 of Wichita, Kansas.
Dumb Kentucky Laws
Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city
that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb,
shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars." -
KRS 436.140 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1974)
No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or
possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have
been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or
other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to
give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two
months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing
three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person
who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than
$500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.)
No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for
compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to
play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an
identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature
of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on
his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace
officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall
keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The
person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank
identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same.
Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10)
nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS
436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1)
Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in
connection withany religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than
fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS
437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.).
It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing
License.
All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of
health, stating that the
apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious
disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948)
Lexington
It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot
hold onto the ground."
Owensboro
A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission.
Dumb Louisiana Laws
It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water
pistol.
Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting
someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."
It is illegal to gargle in public places.
New Orleans
You may not tie an alligator to a fire hydrant.
It illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in
front of it.
Dumb Maine Laws
After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas
decorations still up.
You may not step out of a plane in flight.
Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native
American attack.
Augusta
To stroll down the street playing a violin is against the law.
Portland
Shoelaces must be tied while walking down the street.
Dumb Maryland Laws
Thistles may not grow in one's yard.
Baltimore
It's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the
city limits.
It's illegal to take a lion to the movies.
It is a park rule violation to be in a public park with a sleeveless shirt.
$10 fine. This would include joggers that go shirtless. (1898)
No person who is a "tramp" or "vagrant" shall loiter in any park at any
time. They define tramp as a person who roves for begging purposes and a
vagrant as an idle person who is able-bodied living without labor. It's a
$50 fine. I guess the tramp would have to beg for the money to pay the
fine. -Park Rule 6
It is a violation of city code to sell chicks or ducklings to a minor within 1
week of the Easter holiday.
Baltimore City
Though you may spit on a city roadway, spitting on city sidewalks is
prohibited.
You may not curse inside the city limits.
Columbia
You can not have a antenna exposed outside of your house yet you can
have a 25' satellite dish.
Though clotheslines are banned, clothes may be draped over a fence.
Ocean City
A law from the early 1900's prohibits men from going topless on the
Boardwalk. (Repealed)
Eating while swimming in the ocean is prohibited.
Dumb Massachusetts Laws
At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and
securely locked.
An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special
license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi
during their shifts.
All men must carry a rifle to church on Sunday. (Repealed)
Hunting on Sundays is prohibited.
It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
It is illegal to reproach Jesus Christ or the holy ghost. (MGL Chapter
272 section 36)
It's illegal to keep a mule on the second floor of a building not in a city
unless there are 2 exits. (MGL Chapter 272 section 86)
It's illegal to sell fewer than 24 ducklings at a time before May 1, or to
sell rabbits, chicks, or ducklings that have been painted a different color.
(MGL Chapter 272 Section 80D)
It's illegal to allow someone to use stilts while working on the
construction of a building. (MGL Chapter 149 Section 129B)
It's illegal to drive Texan, Mexican, Cherokee, or Indian cattle on a
public road. (MGL Chapter 129 Section 35)
No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.
Tattooing and body piercing is illegal. (Repealed October 2000)
Children may smoke, but they may not purchase cigarettes.
Tomatoes may not be used in the production of clam chowder.
Quakers and witches are banned.
Bullets may not be used as currency.
Massachusetts liquor stores can only open on Sundays if they are in
Berkshire, Essex, Franklin, Middlesex or Worcester counties and are
within 10 miles of the Vermont or New Hampshire borders.
Alcoholic drink specials are illegal.
Affiliation with the Communist party is illegal.
Public boxing matches are outlawed.
It is unlawful to injure a football goal post, doing so is punishable by a
$200 fine
Defacing a milk carton is punishable by a $10 fine.
It is illegal to frighten a pigeon.
Boston
It is illegal to play the fiddle.
Two people may not kiss in front of a church.
No more than two baths may be taken within the confines of the city.
No one may cross the Boston Common without carrying a shotgun in
case of bears.
Anyone may let their sheep and cows graze in the public
gardens/commons at any time except Sundays.
It is illegal to eat peanuts in church.
An old law prohibits the taking of baths on Sunday.
Duels to the death permitted on the common on Sundays provided that
the Governor is present.
Women may not wear heels over 3 inches in length while on the
common.
No one may take a bath without a prescription.
It is illegal for any citizen to own more than three dogs.
Burlington
You may not walk around with a "drink".
Cambridge
It is illegal to shake carpets in the street, or to throw orange peels on the
sidewalk (section 12.16.100).
It costs $50 extra for a permit for hurling, soccer or Gaelic football
games in a public park on a Sunday. (section 12.20.030)
Hingham
You may not have colored lights on your house if it can be seen from
Main Street. Only white lights may be visible.
If you live on Main Street and want to paint your house, the colors must
be approved by the historical society.
Hopkinton
Though horses and cows are allowed on the common, dogs are
prohibited.
Longmeadow
It is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.
Marlboro
It is illegal to buy, sell or possess a squirt gun.
Silly string is illegal in the city limits.
One may not detonate a nuclear device in the city.
It is illegal for any citizen to own more than two dogs.
Milford
Peeping in the windows of automobiles is forbidden.
Newton
All families must be given a hog from the town's mayor.
North Andover
An ordinance prohibits the use of space guns.
Woburn
In bars, it is actually illegal to "walk around" with a beer in your hand.
(Repealed)
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