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Jokes for the week of 5/22/2002
Dumb State Laws Colorado through Illinois
Dumb Colorado Laws
Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
It is illegal for liquor stores to sell food or grocery stores to sell any
alcohol except beer that is at most 3.2% alcohol.
No liquor may be sold on Sundays or election days. (Repealed)
It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.
Colorado Springs
It is permissable to wear a holstered six-gun within city limits, except on
Sunday, Election Day, or holidays.
Crippe Creek
It is illegal to bring your horse or pack mule above the ground floor of
any building.
Denver
The dog catcher must notify dogs of impounding by posting, for three
consecutive days, a notice on a tree in the city park and along a public
road running through said park.
It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
It is illegal to mistreat rats in Denver, Colorado.
You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
Durango
It is illegal to go in public dressed in clothes "unbecoming" on one's sex.
Logan County
It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.
Pueblo
It is illegal to let a dandelion grow within the city limits.
Sterling
Cats may not run loose without having been fit with a taillight.
Dumb Connecticut Laws
You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. In
order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. It is
illegal to dispose of used razor blades. You cannot buy any alcohol after
8pm or on Sundays. The marriage of imbeciles and feeble-minded persons
is prohibited. (Repealed) It is illegal to discharge a firearm from a public
highway. No one may use a white cane, unless they are blind.
Devon
It is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
Guilford
Only white Christmas lights are allowed for display.
Hartford
You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You
may not educate dogs. It is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.
New Britain
It is illegal for fire trucks to exceed 25mph, even when going to a fire.
Southington
Silly string is banned.
Waterbury
It is illegal for any beautician to hum, whistle, or sing while working on a
customer.
Dumb Delaware Laws
It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient
supplies of food and drink.
Lewes
It is illegal to wear pants that are "firm fitting" around the waist.
Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.
Dumb Florida Laws
Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the
salon owner.
A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or
she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be
paid just as it would for a vehicle.
It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
It is considered an offense to shower naked.
You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the
edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.
It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road.
Big Pine Key
It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have
to go to jail.
Cape Coral
It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a
clothesline.
It it illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your
house on the street. This law is limited to only those who do not own the
house. (Repealed 2000)
Daytona Beach
The molestation of trash cans is banned.
Sec. 10-56. While intoxicated, under influence of narcotics, prohibited. It
shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the
Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the
influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her
normal faculties are impaired. (Code 1955, § 28-64)
Sec. 22-44. Storage, depositing prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any
person, either as owner, occupant, lessee, agent, tenant, or otherwise, to
store or deposit, or cause or permit to be stored or deposited, any
abandoned, junked or discarded motor vehicle or motor vehicles upon any
public or private property within the city. (Code 1955, § 20-11)
Sec. 18-2. Weeds, trash, etc., as a public nuisance; removal by property
owner or by city at owner's expense; notice and hearing; lien for expenses.
(a) The existence of weeds, trash, undergrowth, brush, filth, garbage or
other refuse on any lot, tract or parcel of land within the city which has
caused the property to become, or which may reasonably cause the
property to become infested, or inhabited by rodents, vermin or wild
animals, or may furnish a breeding place for mosquitoes or threatens the
public health, safety or welfare, or may reasonably cause disease or
adversely affects and impairs the economic welfare of the adjacent
property, is declared to constitute a public nuisance and is hereby
prohibited.
Hialeah
Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor.
Jupiter Inlet Colony Inlet
Sec. 3-1. Bird sanctuary declared. (a) It is hereby declared that all
territory embraced within the corporate limits of the municipality shall be a
bird sanctuary. (b) It shall be unlawful for any person within the
municipality to shoot, trap or in any manner kill, wound or maim any bird
of any kind, or at any time to throw at any birds of any kind any missile
with slingshots or any other weapon, or to disturb their eggs or their young
or their nests. (Ord. No. 8-59, §§ 1, 2, 8-10-59)
Key West
Chickens are considered a 'protected species'.
Miami
It is illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
Sec. 8-3. Bell or other warning device. No person shall operate a bicycle
unless it is equipped with a bell or device capable of giving a signal audible
for a distance of at least 100 feet, but no bicycle shall be equipped with,
nor shall any person use upon a bicycle, any siren or whistle. (Code 1967,
§ 8-3; Code 1980, § 8-3)
Pensacola
Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their
person.
It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the
contents of the barrel.
A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a
bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils.
Pinecrest
In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained. Sec.
12-23. Registration required; application; transferability; false statements.
(a)All persons must complete and submit to the village an emergency
contact registration form for their alarm if they operate or cause to be
operated an alarm system in the village. A separate registration is required
for each alarm system. Upon receipt of a completed registration form, the
police department shall issue a numbered alarm sticker to the applicant to
facilitate retrieval of registration information. (Ord. No. 97-17, § 1,
10-14-97)
Sanford
Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of "bona fide" theatrical
performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine.
Sarasota
If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00.
You may not catch crabs.
Tampa Bay
It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M.
Dumb Georgia Laws
It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral
home or in a coroners office.
You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting"
words.
Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the
state assembly is in session.
Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
Signs are required to be written in English.
No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
Acworth
All citizens must own a rake.
Atlanta
Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp.
One man may not be on another man's back.
Columbus
Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday.
It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday.
Gainesville
Chicken must be eaten with the hands.
Jonesboro
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy"
Kennesaw
Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.
Marietta
Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a
truck.
St. Mary's
No spitting on the sidewalk is permitted after dark.
Quitman
It is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.
Cars are not to drive on sidewalks.
Dumb Hawaii Laws
All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.
Honolulu
Within the limits of any public park, it is unlawful to annoy any bird.
(SEC. 10-1.2)
Dumb Idaho Laws
Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than
fifty pounds.
You may not fish on a camel's back.
Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime.
Boise
Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back.
Pocatello
A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons
is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view."
A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.
Dumb Illinois Laws
You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar
bill on your person.
You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to
three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own
conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.
You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
The English language is not to be spoken.
Chicago
Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.
It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.
Kites may not be flown within the city limits.
Spitting is forbidden
In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting
on the curb.
It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck.
It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under
seventeen years of age and have legal permits.
Champaign
One may not pee in his neighbor's mouth.
Cicero
Humming on public streets is prohibited on Sundays.
Crete
Cars may not be driven through the town.
Des Plaines
Wheelbarrows with For-Sale signs may not be chained to trees.
Eureka
A man with a moustache may not kiss a woman.
Evanston
Bowling is forbidden.
It is illegal to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn,
except in case of fire.
Fairfield
It is unlawful for "negroes" to be within county boundries from sundown
to sunrise.
Freeport
It is illegal to expectorate from any second-story window.
Galesburg
There is a $1,000 dollar fine for beating rats with baseball bats.
Homer
It is against the law to use a slingshot unless your are a law enforcement
officer.
Joliet
Town fathers, reflecting the pet peeve of hearing their town's name
mispronounced 'Jolly-ETTE' when all local folk know it's pronounced
'Joe-lee-ETTE', made pronouncing it Jolly-ette a misdemeanor, punishable
by a $5 fine.
Kenilworth
A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he
wishes to crow. Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back
from any residence.
Kirkland
Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kriland's
streets.
Moline
Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is
prohibited.
There is a ban on unnecessary repetitive driving on 23rd Avenue.
Morton Grove
You may not own a handgun
Normal
It is against the law to make faces at dogs.
Orland Prak
No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports
gambling.
Ottawa
Spitting on the sidewalk is a criminal offense.
Park Ridge
Trucks may only park inside closed garages.
Peoria
Basketball hoops may not be instaled on a driveway.
Zion
It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, or any other
domesticated animals.
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