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Jokes for the week of 5/17/2001
A guitar, The Boy Scouts and Courses
From: Craig Bennett (theclyde@NOSPAMmindless.com)
Subject: What did the guitar say to the guitarist?
What did the guitar say to the guitarist? Pick on someone your own size!
Subject: Being Prepared
From: Mr-FBI-Subscribe@egroups.com
A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert.
"What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc.
Then one little boy in the back eagerly raised his hand. "Yes Timmy, what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master.
Timmy replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards."
"Why's that Timmy?"
"Well," answered Timmy, "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..."
"And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently.
"Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"
From: Franksplace (fkubat@ev1.net)
Subject: EDUCATIONAL COURSES FOR WOMEN NOW BEING OFFERED BY MEN
EDUCATIONAL COURSES FOR WOMEN NOW BEING OFFERED BY MEN
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Combating Imelda Marcos Syndrome: You Do Not Need New Shoes Everyday
4. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
5. Man Management: Discover How Chores Can Wait Until After the Game
6. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet, Too
7. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His
8. Valuation: Just Because Its Not Important to You . . .
9. Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First
10. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking
11. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want, Without Nagging
12. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
13. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share
14. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
15. Introduction to Parking
16. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into a Space
17. Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving Towels on the Floor
18. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
19. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
20. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not For Human Consumption
21. Cooking III: How Not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
22. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
23. PMS: Your Problem . . . Not His, But we can make it his
24. Dancing: Why Men Don t Like To
25. Sex - Its For Married (and otherwise cohabiting) Couples Too
26. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
27. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
28. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
29. Ballet and Ice Skating: For Women Only
30. Oil and Gasoline: Your Car Needs BOTH
31. Learning to Use Public Toilets
32. Learning to Use the Toilet in Bars Without your Friends
33. Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big? - Why Men Lie
34. TV Remotes: For Men Only
35. Sexy Lingerie: Its Not Just For Special Occasions
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