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Jokes for the week of 7/31/2002
10 Best Answering Machine Messages
Thanks to my cousin Gene for sending them in...
Number 10.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows or a tub, and their carpets are clean.
They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still
with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to
you.
Number 9.
This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought-recording
device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for
calling ... and I'll think about returning your call.
Number 8.
Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets.
Number 7.
Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me
enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female,
don't worry, I have LOTS of money.
Number 6.
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not
here. So, leave a message.
Number 5.
Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy"
message, I'll call sooner.
Number 4.
Hi. Now YOU say something.
Number 3.
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a
message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Number 2.
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right
now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up
and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and
when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.
And the Number 1 Actual Answering Machine Message Recorded and Verified
by The World Famous International Institute of Answering Machine Messages....
Number 1.
Beeeeeeeep
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